Virtuous Daughters

1 Timothy 2:9 “In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;”

1 Thessalonians 4:6 “That no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter: because that the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified.”

Do we defraud our brothers by the way we dress? Do we make them fall because we are inappropriately dressed?  Do we even care how we dress? Or do we just want to attract attention to ourselves, or better yet, “fit in” with how the world is dressing?

I know I have often thought something was modest, but something that I have learned to do when I get something new that is questionable (as something that is modest on one, may not be modest on another) is I will go to either my father or my brothers and will ask them what they think.  And yes, there have been many times when they will tell me “nope” and will usually explain why they don’t like that on me or why it is immodest.  But instead of wearing it not knowing that it is making one of my brother’s to stumble, I now know that I have to change.  Try going and asking their opinion on what you are wearing. Get their outlook on it, for I think you will be surprised at some of the things they will say. But remember, you need to let them know that you want them and need them to speak what is on their hearts. Don’t get upset at what they say. Let them be open and honest with you and remember, our goal should be to dress to please our Heavenly Father so if the way you are dressing does not honour Him, you need to be willing to change how you are dressing.

What about honoring our father’s in the way we dress? Do you dress to honour him? Or do you dress the way you want to dress, regardless as to what he may think?

You know girls, one day you will most likely be married.  How will you dress then? Will you dress to please your husband, dressing how he prefers? If you don’t start practicing that now, I dare say, you won’t start on your wedding day! You need to put that into practice now!  Let’s dress to please our men (albeit our fathers or our husbands)!  Go to them and ask them how they would like you to dress. Maybe they even have a favorite color on you, or would rather you wear a certainly type dress or skirt or something.  They may even ask you to change your entire wardrobe, but will you be willing?

Here is a website that I found to be very eye opening on what our brothers out there think about what is modest and what is not modest, as well as things that we should not do while in their sight. I would highly recommend everyone reading through this site!  If nothing else, it should give you some ideas as to what you may need to change in order to make them not to stumble.

The following discussion questions are excerpted from Raising Maidens of Virtue: A Study of Feminine Loveliness for Mothers and Daughters.

1. Have you ever thought about what you look like from behind-how tight or sheer your clothing is? Ask your mother to stand behind you and watch you walk. Ask her if she thinks you swing your hips or swagger.

2. How is modesty a heart issue? Discuss ways that heart issues show up in our actions.

3. When you walk up a flight of stairs, what do men behind you see? What types of clothing would be the most modest in this situation?

4. Have you ever worn a long, flowing skirt or dress? How did it make you feel? How did others view you? Did it properly cover your private areas with no problem?

5. Do you wear skirts that have slits that are cut higher than you would actually wear your skirt? What happens when you walk or sit? What happens on a windy day?

6. Is your clothing modest to the people who are sitting behind you in church? Ask your mother or a wise female friend to stand behind you while you bend over to pick up a book. Now do the same with them standing in front of you. What did she see? What would your father think?

7. Raise your hands high above your head. Does your tummy show? You may think, “I’ll never be walking around with my hands above my head,” but this is a good all-around test. I’ve seen young ladies in blouses that seemed modest until they bent over to pick up a toddler or had to reach up high on a shelf.

8. How low is your neckline? Look in the mirror while holding onto your knees. Do you see cleavage? If so, everyone else does too! If you are fuller in the chest area, you may need to be more careful of certain fabrics. Sweaters, knits, and the newer “stretchy” fabrics tend to cling and accentuate the bust line, and tops that are too large fall open easily.

9. Be aware of where others’ eyes may be drawn. You want them to look at your face, not other parts of your body, while they are talking to you. Avoid garments that hug areas which should be kept private.

10. Would you feel naked wearing your nightgown or undergarments into a courtroom or church? What would your pastor and his wife think if you invited them over to supper, then answered the door in your underwear? Would they be shocked? Why do many of us think it is acceptable then to invite fellow Christians over for a pool party where everyone is wearing “colored underwear”? Discuss your answer with your mother (Romans 12:2).

11. Discuss how we have been conditioned by the world to accept public nakedness, all in the name of recreation and fun-or even Christian liberty. How should we change our thinking? (1Peter 1:14)

12. Talk about how someone can be dressed modestly from head to toe and still reveal an immodest demeanor.

Read Proverbs 7:10-11 and Proverbs 31:22, 25.

13. Look up the following words in the dictionary. Discuss with your mother how they might apply to immodesty:

Conceit
Haughtiness
Egocentric
Ostentatious
What is the root sin of each of these offenses?
14. Read all of Proverbs chapter 7. Do you see what could be described as the “attire of a harlot” in the styles offered in most department stores today? What do you think is meant by “her feet abide not in her house?” Was the woman described in Proverbs 7 modest? Was she focused on serving her husband and her household faithfully or on gratifying herself? Men tend to sin by lusting after women, while women tend to sin by lusting to be lusted after. Lust is the very opposite of love because it takes instead of gives.
15. If a maiden knowingly exposes private parts of her body or wears clothing that may incite lust in a young man, then she is acting selfishly. Again, this is the opposite of what Scripture describes as love. Do you think the Proverbs 7 woman loved the young man she enticed? Do you think she enjoyed flaunting her body? Have you ever chosen an outfit because you thought it might get the attention of a boy? Pray about your answer. Discuss the selfish motives behind choosing your wardrobe this way.

Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
(1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

16. Are you dressing for the approval of man or God? Is your goal to impress or attract others or to be pleasing to God and to glorify Him? Be honest!